Wednesday, September 19, 2012


I would never pursue a guy. I would pursue my favorite hobby. I would pursue my career. I would pursue for greater moments with my family but never would I ever pursue a man.
I was 13 when I had my first boyfriend. I remember falling for him so hard because I didn’t know anything about guys and/or romance. It was something that sprouted onto me at a young age and since then I had high hopes to find the right guy… After we broke up, I moved on to another guy. Guy after guy… Gosh I sound like a sleeze but it wasn’t for romance anymore. It was for the satisfaction of having someone there. Someone else who cares a lot about me and my interests. It didn’t matter how many times I got hurt, as long as the next guy made it all go away~. But now I know. I’ve learned…
I will never try to “make it work” with anyone ever again. It was just to make me feel complete but I know that I’ll never feel it if I go after it. I’ll let it happen. I don’t care if it happens tomorrow, or in 10 years, or never. I have to start pursuing things that actually matter. As soon as I do that, everything else will fall right into place…

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Dear Daniel (anyone)

I'm so glad I made a blogspot and didn't tell anyone about it. You know why? Cos I can't write whatever the heck I want without people knowing stinking business or thinking that I'm over dramatic or whatever. I can write in the shittiest grammar and I can actually write vulgar, condescending words.
First off let me say this. YOU SUCK. I cannot believe I let yet another guy walk all over me. I was so oblivious to you today on your actions and yet I still let you made me feel like this... Fine, I'm very interested in you. After we decided we're nothing and kept talking, it made you look irresistible. And I love challenges. I love the fact that you and I are completely single and we declared ourselves single but we still talk like we're not. I mean, we were never together. Never been on an actual date together. But you and I both know we connect some ways. We're similar in a lot of ways and that makes this more interesting and fun.
You're a let down because you say you're gonna hang and cuddle with me and the next thing you're bailing out. You ditched me several times already because you're "too tired." It shows lol. That you don't really like me and the only reason why you're sticking around and talking to me is cos you're not back in Cali yet and you're bored. But watch me, I'm doing the same shit to you. I'm going to keep you interested and on your toes till you leave and you know what? I'll be fine with it. Cos we didn't have anything physical, it'll be easy.
But thanks for helping me declare that we're nothing... I need this. I need interests but space at the same time. I need you there to keep me company and on MY toes. But I also don't need a relationship. I'm not ready. And I'm not sure when I will be. But until then, I have to have boundaries and to know not to pursue them. Yes I admit I was a lil butthurt when we were like "we can't do this cos of timing" but it's good. I need to be butthurt to remind myself that things will get better when it just falls into place. I've been trying to push this into something that has to work but I have to let it just sink. God will work His wonders and when He does, it'll be so good...... So thanks. And I'm glad we're still good. I need someone to keep me company. Like forreals. Xoxo, your princess ;) hahaha only you'll get it~

Dear ex bestfriend,

This entry will probably be the hardest out of the rest of my posts. This title states it all because even after everything, you were my best friend. Yeah, there was a time when we were more but that was after we established how good friends we are... I knew there had to have been a reason why we weren't compatible. I just couldn't put my finger on it. Now we both know. It would end up like this...
I wouldn't just lose you as a guy but also as my best friend. You were a good guy but you were a great friend. You knew how to take care of me even before it got all serious. We lost touch for a long time but whenever we talked again, it was like we never stopped talking.
I remember looking back during Junior/Senior year of high school. Almost four years ago, you were telling me how you'll never get over what's her face and that you'll never find a girl who can love you. I remember when I had to keep telling you that you're not ugly because you were so self conscious. I remember having to cry on your shoulder at nights when it got so hard with boys & my family. You were always there. Literally too because we've lived in the same apartment complex. There was a time when you and I were a duo. You never left my side and I never left yours.
It sucks now. I don't even know what you're doing with your life. It's only been a couple months. Wait what the hell. It's been a couple months! I should damn well be over you but it's hard... I'm not. I dread ever leaving your house without talking with you. I regret having you go down to Seattle the following day without letting you into my place to talk to me. I regret for even letting us get that close when I knew time would come when it would get in the way of our friendship. Yet we both let it happen... And now I lost you. Not only asa guy but as a best friend... I will always cherish you in my heart. No matter how much I try to hate you for hurting me, I can't. I won't. I'll always love you because you were so good to me.
I hope you're well. I hope to talk to you soon. I miss you. See you later.